The Dark side.

Again its a, thursday night 11.24 pm, just like everyday i’m laying down in my dark room drunk and  high with blood red eyes looking at my ceiling just wondering about all of the things that roam around my mind all day. You hear people saying it doesn’t hurt anymore but you know what they all lie! It hurts and it always will till the very last day of your life its gonna hurt you. Everyday something or another is going to break your heart fuck up your mind and take you back to the dark and you know when does it hurt more? When you see someone else at the place that you thought for yourself, it hurts when you see someone else fulfilling the dream that you thought of, it hurts when you see someone else fitting in the picture that you thought of completing, it hurts when all those gaps between her fingers are filled by someone else, it hurts when you see someone else standing where you wanted to be. It hurts, it surely hurts and yes we can lie from ourselves run from ourselves but to a certain extent and what after that? Its gonna hurt more and it will probably kill you then. And then comes a time when you have to admit that yes it matters yes it does matter if someone leaves it does matter when someone doesn’t speak and it does matter when someone isn’t there for you anymore. But i just pray that she doesn’t feel this pain like i feel, i pray that her pillow isn’t soaked each night with her tears, and that my face doesn’t plague her nightmares. And i pray that she is happy. I may not be there in her future but she will always be in my heart and she’ll always be the one i’ll comeback to for sharing my happiness. In the last the most beautiful part of it is that you still carry that smile of yours cause baby you’re smile can make the flowers bloom 🌺.

‘Cause somethings are to be written forever’

‘’ My everyday passes in fear, and every night is soaked in tears, so baby just kill me once cause i’m too afraid of dying everyday’’

– Arsal


The battle of loving Yourself

Another day another light another sun another fight, everyday i wake up telling myself to be strong, convincing my heart to stay strong the bad days are gonna fade away as nothing stays. But everyday i ask myself will it really fade away? will the pain really go away? i find answers in the nature, in the sky, in lonely raining nights and those lovely brown eyes and i’m not stopping unless i find my shore. But let me tell you we humans and specially our generation is fooled into believing that we can’t be happy in our own and so we try holding onto people, cars, flowers, money, fame including much more the list goes on and on. Everyday we force things on us, force ourselves to love people and those days we try to love ourselves is only in the hope is that someone will be watching. But we should rather be loving the nature, the things around us, the little things that doesn’t comes in gift boxes or wrapped up in silk clothes but the things that happen by surprise the things that happen in your daily life. You should actually love the waterfalls, the sea, the birds choir, the blue clean sky, the stars and all of the world that God actually created for you to explore and love. You my dear do not have to be a side effect, a tragedy, just because someone doesn’t love you because my baby you can not make anyone love you no matter how many times and ways you lay down your body, your heart, and your world at their feet. To get love you should learn to love yourself first, to love all your flaws and be confident about them then only will you be able to love someone else cause if you don’t love yourself you will always be chasing after people who don’t love you either. Coming back to myself everyone has a different feeling they always say men don’t cry but believe me we men cry, we cry like every other human being out there cause we are not any super heroes who doesn’t feel anything, we do! we do feel heartbreaks, we do feel betrayals, we do feel insult and we do feel unloved its just that we don’t show that to the world. Its , alot different for everyone else out there cause everybody is not the same, i write for myself and i myself only only to portray my thoughts on these papers. So, when i say i’m emotionally down, or going through a hard time its just that i have experienced life in the highest gears. I’m never just mad, i’m a raging fire , a thunderstorm that cracks like a blast and when i’m emotional what i mean is i’m just a man, a man who happens to feel a whole hell of alot. And remember do not open a random page of someone’s life and expect to understand it you never know his story. Lets just hope that sometime in this pain we all learn to love ourself so we can be someone’s reason of being happy.  Cause in the end we all need someone to go home to, someone to fight for and someone who’ll give us meaning in this meaningless world.

“You have to understand that the love you need to find, will find you”.


‘Some things are to be written forever’

Sometimes in a peaceful night with silence all around i just sit against the wall in my room which once had our memories painted upon, which once had your beautiful touch, the touch that made a brick wall beautiful. She was pure magic, beautifully crafted out of diamonds and you know diamonds are precious like she was to me. You left but darling your memories still haunt me, my closet still smells like your cologne and it still holds some of your art. The walls ask me, these sacred thoughts question me ‘Will she come back?’ But i don’t seem to have an answer to these questions, I still haven’t came out of this thought that you are gone. Sometimes i make myself believe that she may be happy now, but are you? That she may be living a good life but are you? That she deserved someone better but will someone love enough? I hope someday that you give me the answers and that i see you smiling. I really miss that cute smile, i really miss your happy eyes and I desperately miss your stupid face but does she miss me like i do? Does she wakeup to see if im there? Does she still keeps a check? And does she hide her tears like i do? Nobody feels my heart when i wakeup at the thought of you they don’t feel my mind racing when i hear your name, they don’t know what its like to be me and to be in love with a person so everlastingly beautiful, yet so unbelievably far away from me. Cause somethings are to be written forever. :’)

‘She’s the type of girl that will make you spend the rest of your life regretting the day you said goodbye.’

-one in a trillion.

“The untaught race.”

As i scratch my mid night thoughts, brush off my notebook and start writing on this piece of paper from where, I believe that someday these thoughts can make an impact on someones life. I believe what im writing today is not anything new in anyway, once in a lifetime from a kid to an old man in mid 90s fighting for his last breathe would have thought about this. Actually today its not about my wild thoughts or my scariest dreams however today its outside the box of thoughts, dreams, stories and fairytales. Today its about a word, a term, a phenomenan from which most of the people are afraid of. Some are afraid of facing it where on the other hand some are afraid of actually stepping into it and we call it reality. Everyone of us at somepoint in their lives have asked ourselves the same question “What race are we into?” and nobody till now have gotten an accurate guess on the answer. from the day we came into this world we are into a race running running and that is actually what we have learned from our childhoods that you have to be in this race if you are left behind you are gone! But what is this race? Has anybody thought about it? People only see what you make they dont see what it takes. We all know that we need money to survive but money is not survival money is not your last destination, we should make money to fulfil our needs not make money your need because this is a never ending race my dear. A beautiful quote by a famous filmstar “We buy things that we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” Cause jealousy is a myth in the race of taking someone down dont waste your life. We think Life is only about being rich and making money that is what we all care about winning the race winning the race at the expense of our family, friends for what? For being alone in this world? That is not how its intended to be. Life is not about winning the race its about finishing the race and how many people you help finishing it.Because in the end it may be you that needs help to finish the race because i have learned what is truly important and that how precious the gift of life is and how quickly it can be taken away. So don’t waste it on this fake happiness that can only give you temporary peace but instead look for love spend your life giving love, spreading happiness because people after you depart from this world no one is gonna remember how much you made but how you made them smile in a condition where they forgot how to smile, they are not gonna remember where you lived or what you drove they gonna remember the time that you spent with them don’t live in time! Live in moments and make your life, your days counted because life is too short and it doesn’t stop for nobody so love and be loved.

~because love is only a word until someone comes along and give that word a meaning~


The Unanswered Thoughts-

We do things everyday that we regret doing the second the minute we are done with it. What i feel today is nothing special or new i know that many people out there have experienced the same and the same feelings or similar thoughts also ran through their minds. But what i feel today is something different from all of the thoughts and feelings in my life that i have had so far. Today i see myself as an animal a man who has turned into a beast or a creature that is not human because that is not how humans live that is not how humans react and that is not how humans behave. But! is this only me? i probably don’t know and by a fact today i also don’t know who i am? or am i the same? Today just today i just think of running away from people my own people just to run away where there is no one where i am close to the nature far far away from all the beings here. To run till my feet bleed and my body hurts just to let out my frustration that i have kept in me for years. The uncountable thoughts that run through my puzzled mind and my poor soul, i just want to run away from all of them, from all that is left in me. To lay down in a jungle quiet and calm very far from all just to listen the voices that had been calling in my head and questioning my own excistence. To lay down where dark surrounds me, i just want to feel that fear which takes over my mind and shakes my soul out of my body.

I just want to have a good sleep and be a baby again to sleep with no regrets, complains, fears and betrayal.

Or will i be ever able to listen all of the thoughts that just are kept within myself and will i be able to answer all those questions that i ask myself everyday.

One day these thoughts will burn my soul alive leaving just a dead body back.

~So please take me back to my wonderland or just stab me with a knife~

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